Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Bum Fodder


Around our house we have frequent disputes regarding toilet paper.

I like to buy toilet paper that is soft and gentle; Matt likes to buy toilet paper that says that it is soft and gentle.
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There are two universal truths when it comes to bathroom tissue. First, buying toilet paper is no time to be budget conscious. Second, the more a toilet paper brand claims to be soft, the more freakishly abrasive it is.

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A toilet paper which sells for 97¢ and is called something like "Fluffy Soft & Dainty" is probably made out of leftover copies of the Weekly World News mixed in with glass shards.

The ONLY toilet paper I want near my tookus is Charmin Bathroom Tissue Plus Lotion with Aloe.

You will note the absence of a single adjectives. Adjectives are to be avoided as if your tender little pucker depends upon it -- because it does.

My point in a nutshell:

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(I tried so hard to make my little roll of TP look evil and menacing, despite my best efforts he ended up looking inexplicably cute-ish)

2 comments:

Deirdre said...

Amen to this post, sister.

And that toilet paper does look evil and menancing.

It also kind of looks like a handbag and I might have to make it.

Reluctant Kerry said...

Hooray! I have sparked artistic creativity. That make me a MUSE!

I would very much like to see such a handbag . . . or briefcase . . .