Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Changling

It seemed like years ago I placed my order for Girl Scout Cookies. When I learned they had at long last arrived I began daydreaming about that first glorious moment in which I would tear open my box of Samoas . . .




Ahh . . . the texture, the aroma, the crunch . . . the happiness!


But my Samoas never arrived.

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Instead, I had unwittingly purchased a box of Carmel deLites. Since the packaging looked identical, I presumed that the Girl Scouts just changed the product name.
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Sadly, I could not have been more wrong.

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The Carmel deLite (shown above) is, at best, a sad and miserable excuse for a Samoa.
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This goes far beyond a mere name change, this is not the same cookie but an unholy abomination before God and my own taste buds.
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I have done a little digging and it seems that there is a slow and evil encroachment of the Carmel deLite into Samoa territory. Carmel deLites are the carp of the Samoa pond -- an insidious fish of a cookie that is pushing out the more tasty indigenous species.
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This affects all of us, people. Sure, you may be able to purchase the Somoa in your neighborhood today, but next year you may not be so fortunate. Then, instead of a delicious Samoa, you will find a Carmel deLite staring back at you with it's soulless eye.
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First they came for the Thin Mints, and I did not speak out—because I was only lukewarm about the Thin Mints;
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Then they came for the Tagalongs, and I did not speak out—because I think the Tagalongs are kinda gross;
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Then they came for the Do-Si-Dos, and I did not speak out—because, to be frank, I don't know what the hell a Do-Si-Do is anyway;
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Then they came for the Trefoils, and I did not speak out—because, honestly, who orders Trefoils? Really?
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Then they came for the SAMOAS . . .

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was sad but for a much different reason. I ordered the sme cookies and waited and waited and eventually forgot about them. Then, I started a diet and was very upset when I cookies showed up on my door step cause I can't eat them.

Amy

Reluctant Kerry said...

Seems to me like you have some Samoas you can dispose of.

You have my address.

Anonymous said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girl_Scout_cookie

"Licensed baking companies can offer up to eight varieties of Girl Scout cookies [. . .] Each baking company names its own cookies."

Furthermore,

"Caramel deLites are also called Samoas."

They are the same darned cookies. Research next time. They only taste different in your head.

Reluctant Kerry said...

Hey Anon. Thanks for stopping by.

Two things:

(1) if your are looking for well-researched writing and/or ranting, you have clearly come to the wrong place

(2) You clearly seem quite knowledgeable regarding Girl Scout Cookies, could you hook me up with some SOMOAS (and not any of those gag-eliciting Carmel deLites) ???

Anonymous said...

They are not the same cookie! They are made by different companies to different specifications and have different names accordingly. For example, Samoas use dark chocolate whereas the Delites use milk.

Reluctant Kerry said...

Hello Anon, II. Thanks for visiting.

This post was a ridiculously long rant whereby I told YOU that that there are not the same cookie.

That's right, I. told. You.

So the Carmel deLite has its own spec list? What is that list, pray tell?

(1) Produce product that looks similar to the beloved Samoas.

(2) Use milk chocolate in place of dark chocolate.

(3) Make these cookies as sad and abysmal substitute for Samoa as you can without violating any express provisions of the FDA.

I propose name change: Carmel dePress. They should come with a gooey Cymbalta filling in the center, that's what I say!