An offer I could refuse

.

.

.

.

As part of the continuing legal education requirements for the Utah State Bar, attorneys must take courses on ethics and civility.

.

.

A recent exchange with opposing counsel has me concluding that we need to dial back the civility just a notch.
.

.

.

.

.
OPPOSING COUNSEL: How's the new baby?
ME: Great! Thank you so much for asking.
OP: So, are you nursing?
ME: Uh . . . yeah . . .
OP: Is that tough now that you are back to work?
ME: [shifts uncomfortably] I am able to send bottles of milk with the baby.
OP: Man! Those breast pumps are expensive!
ME: I guess.
OP: My wife had really nice ones.
ME: Excuse me?
OP: Breast pumps.
ME: Oh!
OP: If you want, you could have one.
ME: Thanks, I'm set.
OP: It would be good to have one at home and one at the office though, right?
ME: They are portable.
OP: Seriously, do you want the pump?
ME: No thank you, really.
OP: Why not?! It is in perfectly great shape.

.

.

.

I was able to finally communicate that I wasn't really all that interested in a second-hand breast pump before I made my escape.

.

My point is that civility can go too far. Uncomfortably, skin-crawlingly too far.
.

.

Just a concerned customer

Dear Brothers-All-Natural,

First off: I love your products, specifically the fruit crisps. Yum!

Okay, now you are aware that I come to you out of love, you will hopefully not begrudge me for playing grammar cop. On the back of your packaging it states:
.

.

.

.

We take great care to insure the quality and food safety of
our products … All raw materials and finished products are
tested daily to insure 100% purity and the best possible quality.

I appreciate and admire the guarantee on the package, but I am 99% certain you are misusing the term insure when you mean ensure.

I say 99% sure, because I suppose it is possible that you are actually referring to some sort of financial liability policy that would pay you for any damages resulting from a less than quality product (in which case the usage here would be correct). I strongly suspect, however, that you are making a specific promise of a quality or condition (ENSURE) rather than referring to limiting financial liability (INSURE).

Sorry to even write this email. Frankly, I disgust myself a little bit for bothering you. I only want good things for you and your tasty products, Brothers-All-Natural! I would hate for your magnificent product to be shunned by grammar-whackos – and you know they are out there.

With warmest regards,

Kerry

Par for our course