Better than sticking your foot in your mouth

Recently, Matt and I took a quick trip to Wyoming where Max met much of his family for the first time -- including cousins! We got to spend some time in the car with my sister's kids while we were back home.

We kept pulling out all of our "A" material to keep Jordan and Connor entertained during the 100 mile trip. We knew we were skimming the bottom of the barrel when Matt said, "Hey, did you guys know your Aunt Kerry can put her whole fist in her mouth?!"

When they didn't respond, I turned around in my seat and found out why they were so quiet:

Gifted. The members of this family are abundantly gifted.

You are quite welcome, kiddo.

So during the latter part of my pregnancy, I became rather swollen and sedentary. Unable to summit Everest, or participate in other such activities, I planted myself in front of the TV and made beaded jewelry (that's right ... I'm a crafty one!).

In March, I sent my mom home to Wyoming with necklaces to give to my little nieces. My niece Jordan, who truly has a fantastic way with words, sent me the thank you note below:




Let me just take a moment highlight my favorite part of this card:

"I hope you like your son."

I read that and thought to myself, "Good God! I hope I do, too!!!"

`

Seriously, no one likes to talk about it, but not all people are equally likeable ... the same is undoubtedly true for babies who are, after all, just teeny tiny people. What if I gave birth to a baby that was a total jackass? How much more difficult would it be to lovingly nurture a condescending, judgmental, and inconsiderate type-A-jackass-baby? I submit that it would be very hard, indeed!

`

Fortunately, I got to meet my little wombmate recently. I am happy to report that he is not at all a jackass ... rather, he is a DELIGHT!

`

So thank you, Jordan, for your kind words. I do like my son. Tremendously. I hope you like your cousin.

This thank you note will have to go into my "Best of Jordan" category, along with this post and this one. Funny kid, that ...

Battle of Wits

It is somewhat ridiculous how much I love Halloween. I was just relishing in the season when I remembered an interesting conversation I had with my niece Jordan last June.

She had just finished up with the first grade and was pointing out the gross inequity that is a nine-month academic year compared with a paltry three-month summer vacation.

The resulting discussion was something of a battle of wits in which she clearly came out on top.

JORDAN: I don’t think it is fair that summer is only three months.

KERRY: How long do you think summer should be?

JORDAN: I think we should only have to go to school for three months and then summer would be nine months long.

KERRY: Don’t you think nine months is too long for summer to last?

JORDAN: No. No, I do not.

KERRY: But if summer was nine months long then it would run into wintertime.

JORDAN: That’s ok. We could have fires and drink hot chocolate; and it would be fun because it would be during summer!

KERRY: So would you have Christmas during the summer, then?

JORDAN: Yes. And it would be fun.

KERRY: Good point.

JORDAN: Thank you.

KERRY: But what about Halloween?

JORDAN: What do you mean?

KERRY: Well if you get your nine-month summer, then you wouldn’t be in school at Halloween.

JORDAN: So?

KERRY: So, Halloween parties at school are the best! You get to wear your costume to school and eat candy in class.

JORDAN: Uh . . .

KERRY: See! You don’t really want a nine-month Summer.

JORDAN: Yes-huh!

KERRY: Nuh-uhn!!

JORDAN: No! Because Halloween would be in the summer, then I could wear my swimsuit!

KERRY: A swimsuit is not a costume.

JORDAN: Yes it is. I would be Barbie for Halloween.

KERRY: Barbie is a terrible costume. That is not scary at all.

JORDAN: (Pauses for effect) I would be . . .

. . . DEAD B A R R R R R B I E !

`

At that point, there was nothing for me to do but concede the debate.

Speeding Ticket

It seems that I am an easy target for mockery. I've grown used to it from colleagues, neighbors, my banker, etc. But ridicule from a first grader was not something I was quite prepared for.

Yup. That's right. This is a $100.00 ticket for "speeding for talking."

I asked my six-year-old niece for clarification. What did I do to deserve such a hefty fine? Apparently she felt this citation was warranted in light of two factors: (1) talking too fast, and (2) talking too much.

She handed me the ticket, walked away, and laughed herself silly.

Just try to collect, funny girl.