Thursday, January 15, 2009

I don't want to brag . . .

. . . that's not true at all, I most certainly do want to brag! Guess what I get to do tonight. Here's a couple hints:



That's right. I get to attend the World Premiere of "Mary and Max" and the Opening Night hoopla for the Sundance Film Festival. HOORAY!
"Mary and Max" is a claymation feature about enduring pen-pals Mary (an 8-year-old misfit living in the suburbs of Melbourne, Australia) and Max (a morbidly obese 44-year-old New Yorker who suffers from Asperger's syndrome).
I have my fingers crossed that I will run into Phillip Seymour Hoffman tonight where I will exclaim, "Do you know who I am?! I am a big fan of radio control!" I then look forward to being escorted out by security.
Overall, this promises to be an exciting night!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Add it to the list

In this third installment of a series entitled "Plastic Surgeons I Won’t Be Using" . . .

. . . I openly declare my personal policy against physicians who use caulking guns as their instrument of choice.

Friday, January 09, 2009

So wrong for so many reasons

Two words that make my insides churn:


Thursday, January 08, 2009

Hello, I am the office perv. Pleased to meetcha!

Dear Websense filter personnel:

I am writing this letter in defense of my character and to deny using my office computer for inappropriate purposes.

By way of background, I recently read about a necklace that sold at auction for more than $2 million. Curious to find a photo of this pricey string of pearls, I ran a Google search with the following terms:

Try, if you will, to imagine my surprise when this innocuous search triggered the Websense porn filter.

I am saddened to find myself in the position where I must affirmatively assert that my search for a "pearl necklace" was, in fact, literal.
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you that your first impression of "pearl necklace" was that of hard core pornography. Tell you what: why don't you get back to me when I run a search for something more blatantly disgusting, like "Cleavland Steamer."
Get your mind out of the gutter Websense.
Very Truly Yours,
Reluctant Kerry

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Post Sorbet

There have been a number of things I have wanted to post lately, but I haven't. I just couldn't bring myself to return to my typical coarse and arguably tacky brand of wordsmithery following the last two posts of photos of my sweet innocent kiddo.

This post will serve as a buffer. A palate cleanser, if you will.

Okie-dokie, then. Moving on . . .