Designed by engineers who have probably never seen one in real life

Here's a disturbing little product I spotted over at Amazon:

This is a Microsoft Bluetooth Notebook Mouse, which was apparently designed specifically for trolling the web for hardcore porn.

I especially, especially like how easy the scroll wheel is to find on this model.

That's some painful protection!

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OH! I actually had to read the ad to understand the illustration.

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This is sketch of a light bulb, not the male version of a chastity belt.

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That's too bad, really. This was a much more interesting advertisement when I thought they were discussing barbed wire prophylactics.

Maybe I am just reading too much into it ...

Everyday, National Geographic sends a nifty little picture of the day (POD) to my homepage on Google.

It was downright awkward having this particular POD on my computer screen at the office today ...

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I'm a little bit afraid that National Geographic is coming on to me.

Hey . . . I'm flattered, but . . .

- - - - - - - - - - UPDATE - - - - - - - - - -

I have clearly offended National Geographic with this post. It was evident first thing this morning when I got online to find that I had been blatantly snubbed.

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All of my other nifty iGoogle features opened just fine, but the National Geographic POD is now refusing to speak to me.

Incidentally, My husband read this post last night. Someone had to, right? Anyhoo . . . this photo seems to be something of a Rorshack ink blot test around our house.

Matt also saw a racy image, be what he saw was the Aurora Borealis in a B-cup. I can definitely see how this looks like a cleavage shot.

I won't go into details of what I see when I look at this photo, suffice to say that if this National Geographic picture of the day was a doctor . . . its specialty would be POD/Gyn.

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A boob in hand is better than two in the bush

I am not entirely sure what this title means, but just typing it made me laugh. Joy -- there is joy in that there title.

When I had my C-section, I made some lame joke about giving me a tummy tuck while they had me sliced open. They didn't even humor me with a polite chuckle, which would have been the least they could have done after 14 hours of labor and an unsuccessful epidural, but I digress.


It turns out that such a procedure does in fact exist! I was researching the C-tuck procedure out of curiosity when I came across this freaky little logo for Bermant Plastic Surgery (whose website name is also odd, www.plasticsurgery4u.com/).



While I appreciate artistic license, it has no place in plastic surgery. And what is that weird little point on the right side? Is that a beak?

This is not what I want to see when they remove my bandages:

We once chose an artsy body shop to fix our car after a fender bender. I won't make the same mistake when it comes to going under the knife.

Seems wrong to put a foot in there . . .

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I wasn't aware that

Georgia O’ Keefe

designed footwear . . .

How especially appetizing

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This beverage line always makes me giggle a little bit, especially since "naked juice" is a crude euphemism my sister Amy and I have used for years (much to Mom's horror and dismay).

But this is just too, too much . . .

Since WHEN is "Protein" a flavor?

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Open Letter to Homes.Com

Dear Homes.Com:

I was visiting your website today to look at home listings when I noticed your logo:

While I do appreciate the moxy of your energetic little "dot" in the Homes-dot-Com logo, I suspect this logo creates much confusion regarding the nature of your business.

Because it is such a fantastic graphic, I propose you keep it -- don't touch a thing. Rather, change your name.

Now that go-getter-swimmer of a "dot" makes MUCH more sense.

Good luck as your company reorganizes as a fertility resource website.

Yours helpfully,

Kerry

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Response from Homes (squiggly dot) Com :

So while there is no current plans to reorganize their site . . . I suspect such plans may be forthcoming!

I'm encouraged by their response to my letter. I think I will try to resubmit a previous Letter to my utility Company.

more on questionable logos

I just couldn't leave well enough alone, I guess. But it seems I am not the only one to notice the proliferation of the penis in corporate logos. Take a moment to check out b3ta.com's phallic logo awards .

Here are just a few fine examples:

Is it just me?

Does anyone else think that Monster's logo containes a suspiciously phallic image?

It's just me?

Okay then. Sorry to have bothered you.

Geoducks

I had never heard of a geoduck before last night. I'll be honest; I was far more comfortable with the world I knew before I became aware of the existence of geoducks. Dear GOD those are disgusting little bastards.

This freaky little creature, my friends, is a geoduck:

Looks a bit like a clam gnawing on a unwell phallus, does it not?

Here's what little I know (which, if you ask me, is too much) about the geoduck, or panopea abrupta for you fancy book-learnin' types.

The geoduck (aptly pronounced "gooey duck") is the world's largest burrowing clam. When fully grown they weigh approximately three pounds. Even more disturbing is that geoduck has a life expectancy of up to 150 years with the oldest recorded at 163 years.

THAT'S TOO LONG!

Apparently . . . . and this is awful . . . people eat the geoduck.

Sweet Jesus why?!

This "delicacy" reportedly has a sweet flavor and crunchy texture that is best appreciated when eaten raw. I've often wondered, is the word "delicacy" synonymous with "incredibly creepy?" I have perused the internet and found recipes.

RECIPES!

Do me this one favor, if you ever find yourself in a restaurant, and happen to read Geoduck Sashimi on the menu, slowly back away from your table and RUN!

Never before have I actually wished complete extinction upon an entire species . . .

I'm fairly sure whatever sicko made children pose with geoducks should be required to keep his address up to date with some sort of offender registry.