Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Open Letter

An Open Letter to the Unpleasant Woman Who Nearly Ran Me Down With Her Bicycle:

Dear Ms. Cycle Shorts:

You may not remember me; I was the jogger you nearly hit with your bike Sunday afternoon. If you will recall, you came around the corner, nearly hit me, and muttered your displeasure about me being in your way. Yup that we me: the tan-less jogger with the perplexed what-the-hell expression on her face.

You clearly know more about the sport of cycling than I do. Dressed head-to-toe in the most professional-looking gear, from your padded bike shorts to your slick-graphic jersey. (Wow you must have a sponsor!). So I might be speaking out of turn, here. But I care, so here goes . . .

I think you need a new cycling coach.

There, I said it.

I’m sure the pro you have been working with is very competent, but it just doesn’t seem to be working out for you. First, I don’t think I have ever been passed at such a slow rate of speed. Is that a training technique? Pedal as slow as possible without tipping? What is the purpose of that?

In fact, you were traveling slow enough that I had plenty of time to get a gander at your bike shorts. That’s a whole lot of padding you have there! How necessary is that in your case? You know, given your own posterior attributes? Can you even FEEL the seat? All I’m saying is that any coach that is looking out for your best interests would not let you out in public in those shorts.

I bring these matters to your attention because, as your neighbor and fellow trail-patron, I feel obligated. Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one final thing: the next time you run a jogger off the trail and then yell at her, prepare for a branch in your spokes.


Reluctant Kerry


AnnieKNodes said...

I have a hatred for bikers, particularly of the bike messenger/pro gear variety.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm an amateur blogger as well. Go Amatuers! We'll beat those Pro Bloggers at the next Camp Olympics, you'll see!


Reluctant Kerry said...

What a great comment! Utter contempt in the first paragraph coupled with plucky optimism in the second.

I suddenly feel balanced! Ahhhh . . .

joey T Hoover said...

what were the comments that were deleted?