How have I never noticed this before?

I spotted James Carville vicariously basking in Bill Clinton's recent dispaly of Democrat Backbone this week. For the very first time I noticed his eerie resemblance to Skeletor.


Calrville is like a real-live Master of the Pundit Universe. Cool!

Veggie Peril

So here's a news story that would have made absolutely no sense a week ago . . .

'Smoking Gun' Spinach Found in Victim's Fridge

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This headline reads a bit like word salad . . . HA!

(ok, I'm a little ashamed by that one. My deepest apologies.)

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So anyone have an interest in joining in a class action against Popeye for his negligent advocacy of the green stuff? Let me know . . . I may be putting something together.

The Burninator

Did someone say . . . TROGDOR ???



Sing it with me: "Thatch roof Cottaaaaaaages!!!"

I also always giggle whenever I hear "That guy wouldn't know majesty if it came up and bit him in the face."

The Trogdor ditty is almost, almost, as catchy as this one.

Questionable Commentary

STATEMENTS UTTERED DURUNG

SATURDAY'S COLORADO v. ARIZONA STATE GAME

THAT INDICATE THAT SPORTSCASTER

CHARLES DAVIS MIGHT HAVE A SOMEWHAT

LECHEROUS INTEREST IN THE GAME:

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1. He just wanted guys to put other guys on their backsides
2. He's got a nice big tight end
3. Oh, oh, oh, easy you!
4. That was a nice big hole
5. He did a great job of tucking it up inside
6. He was able to get down and take the sack without a bigger blow
7. Nice penetration

Gridiron Guideline

It is football season once again.

(Go Pokes!)

Just a basic reminder for you athletes out there:

It is NOT okay to rough the Jesus!

(I'm thinking #21 just cost his team 15 yards)

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My Big Break!!!

I have waited for this Opportunity all my life, and finally it is here !

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LONDON (Reuters) - Wanted: 20 diminutive actors who can sing. Hairy feet are a distinct advantage.

Producers of a musical version of "The Lord of the Rings" are looking for candidates to play the hobbit heroes in the epic fantasy based on J.R.R.Tolkien's classic.

"The producers are looking for male and female actors and singers aged between 16-35 who must be under five feet seven inches. Hairy toes and feet are a distinct advantage," a spokesman said Tuesday.

The musical, which received its world premiere in Toronto but has been reworked after some damning reviews, is to open in London in June next year.

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I am diminutive! I can sing! I would rather not get in to the amount of hair on my feet!

Time to quit my day job!!!

(I realize that is s an awful lot of !'s. I am comfortable with that; I stand by my !'s)

Nagged

You know ... I am pretty good with putting up with constructive criticism, reminders about upcoming deadlines, and cajoling from those people responsible for keeping me organized. I appreciate it indeed. However, I suddenly become much less cooperative -- and much less friendly -- when I feel like I am being talked down to.

This is why I have come to loath my snooty, self-righteous, calendar program. Too much attitude from a computer program, if you ask me. Let me share with you the admonition I received this morning.

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You have 19 to-do items which are overdue. Deadlines should only be
specified when the are real; otherwise they lose their reminder value.

Your to-do list is so long that it may not be realistic to have it all on

today's list, and some of those items are getting rather stale.

You should go through the list to see what you can assign to other days so that today's real tasks are more effectively organized.

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Fair enough. Computer says I need to update my to-do list. Who am I to argue with reason?

Illiterate

Question Authority!

Even when that authority is the super mighty SPELLCHECK -- especially when that authority is spellcheck.

I won't get into the details, but I happen to know from experience that correcting a misspelled word such as GENEROUS with a somewhat similar word like ... oh, let's say ... GANGRENOUS can seriously nullify an intended compliment.

Learn from my mistakes.

Don't just go clicking willy-nilly at any old suggested spelling. That's all I'm saying.

more on toes

I have been called out on the fact that I have a disproportionate number of posts about toes (most recently there was this one and a while back I posted about my own toe saga and my subsequent investigation).

In response I look to the eloquent wisdom of Patty Tanager the Cady Manager, "big woop, wanna fight about it?"

So . . . I have another toe issue. Let me back up and lay the appropriate foundation for this riveting yarn.

Until a few weeks ago, I had never had a professional manicure or pedicure -- primarily because I know where to secure nail polish, and possess the technical know-how to use it. But my little sister was getting married, so I decided to join in on the girly-girl-pre-wedding festivities.

My manicure went off without incident. Sadly, I can't quite say the same about the pedicure. Once my fingernails were pink and shiny, I looked around the shop for some sort of chair or fancy ottoman which would serve as the manicurist's working surface while she polished up my toes, but nothing of the sort was to be found.

It turns out pedicure-furniture is for chumps.

The manicurist lifted my feet under the table, grabbed my heels, and put my feet on her lap. I'd by lying if I said I was completely comfortable at that point, but my discomfort shot off the charts when she wedged the foot she was not polishing smack-dab in her crotch.

Yikes.

I can only imagine the look of horror on my face once my heel registered the warmth emanating from her hooey. Was this a pedicure or a date?

So I must ask: Is this normal, or have I just been naïve to what goes on inside nail shops?

This is not an idle question. Please educate me. I need to determine whether I have undergone a typical pedicure experience, or if I am, in fact, the victim of sexual assault.

Thoughts? Crotch-mounted-pedicure the norm? I MUST KNOW.