Dial it Back

Generally, I don't give too much thought to the hand soap you might find in the public restroom. Never once have I ever wondered to myself as I washed my hands, "hope this is safe . . . . " crossed my fingers, held my breath, and then nervously squeeeezed the dispenser pump in hopes that no particular harm befall my dainty hands. Never before Wednesday morning, anyway.

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I submit to you:

- D I A L ~ C O M P L E T E -

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The thing I found peculiar about this soap is that it actually attempts to convince you that it's okay to use it. What the . . . ? SHOULD I be suspicious of this soap? I sure as hell am now!

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Pardon my sub-par camera phone photography, but you should be able to read that the side of the soap dispenser reads in bold "reassuring" letters:

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Hospital Strength

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Milder Than Ever

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Just how goddamn strong was it before the good people at Dial determined that it needed to be more mild. The mildest they have "EVER" been able to achieve is "HOSPITAL STRENGTH" ?!!

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I don't think that I even have what I would consider "hospital strength" requirements. Though it might be nice to know that should I be called upon to perform an emergency medical procedure that I'm already scrubbed-in and sterile. WHO'S UP FOR AN APPENDECTOMY ?!

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To WHOM is this meant to appeal? Germaphobes? Nancy-Pants-moisture-freaks? Will use of this product cause my skin to mummify and shrivle? Peel off completely.

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WHY IS IT TRYING SO HARD TO CONVINCE ME IT'S OK TO USE THIS STUFF???

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Fortunately I survived the ordeal. Skin intact. Clean enough to crack open some ribs.