Monday, May 01, 2006

Literary Review

A guilty little pleasure of mine: I enjoy quirky children’s books (e.g.
The Stinky Cheese Man and the like). Conversely, I have an abiding distaste for schmaltzy moral-laden children’s books.

So . . . I went to a baby shower yesterday. My gift included what I consider to be a literary gem,
Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus. I also gave mom-to-be a tube of Butt Paste, but that was mostly because the product made me giggle when I spotted it at Babies “R” Us.

However, someone gave mom-to-be what I consider to be the
worst children’s book EVER, “I Love You Forever.”

Here’s the short-and-skinny on this terrible, terrible book: A mother is singing a song to her sleeping newborn baby.

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be."

As the kid grows into adulthood, she continues to sneak into his room and sing this song to him while he is sleeping. You think that is creepy? Just wait until he moves out!

That's RIGHT! She drives across town with a ladder in the middle of the night, climbs up to his bedroom window, drags him out of his bed, rocks him on her lap, and sings the damn song. (Did she chloroform this guy?)

The book moves from creepy to insanely depressing in a heartbeat. As mom is dying, her son rocks his mama and sings the song to her.

What the hell?! Mom dies at the end of a children’s book?!

I’ll bet reading this book goes over really well at bedtime. A sleepy-time discussion of mortality.

For the love of God! Mom dies at the end of the book!!!

As this book was passed around at the shower (I am not making this up) a couple of the more matronly ladies read the book, and CRIED! Shouldn't THAT be your first clue that its is not a good book to give to a KID?

My point: worst children's book ever. Stick with pigeons that want to drive commercial vehicles, that's what I say. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.


Anonymous said...

And people wonder where goth kids come from...

Reluctant Kerry said...

Who wonders where Goth Kids come from?

I know EXACTLY where they come from. They are the variety of mall rats that just happed to stop into Hot Topic before they reached the Abercrombie.